Here writing this thinking, I really did not know what to title it, nor is I have a plan about what to write. I am here just wanting to write.  I am tired of this life, that does not treat me well, not well enough for what I have done.

I had always laughed at those “fake” people, just never thought that there will be one day, I will become one of them. It is just unbelievable that what I have done lately. I made these thoughts because I was writing the “self-recommendation” section on the Tsinghua University’s Summer Math Camp application. It asked for a reason that why you fit the camp. I thought about it, and really, I felt shocked.

To be honest, I did not really want to attend the camp, it is nothing other than a “gold layering”. Did I ever love math as a subject? No, to me math had always been a great tool, a tool that let me solve my problems in life. I was fascinated by the magic of mathematics, but, no, I never really wanted to study math just for it. My driven force behind my study is problem-solving, is that I am learning because it helps me in certain criteria.

After all, I thought about why am I even applying? No, it is not because I want that layer of gold on my application so it looks good; no, it’s not because I love mathematics; but rather, I wanted to avoid the quarrel, with my parents. I  understand quite a lot if not all of their thoughts behind, but I also have some consideration in mind. It’s not just me giving up chances, I know they worked hard to get me to even have today. I do not reject the point they are great and selfless, but sometimes result from those good starting points may not necessarily be good.